


Just One Yesterday

by definitely_indecisive



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressing, M/M, Season 9 Spoilers, angsty, he misses cas, mental drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 18:56:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/definitely_indecisive/pseuds/definitely_indecisive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's inner monologue. </p><p>-----<br/>With the episodes as they are, I just really needed to get this out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just One Yesterday

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song by Fall Out Boy.

Abbadon was raising Hell. Literally. Metatron was doing the fuck knows what alone in Heaven. Crowley was being a royal pain in the ass. Kevin was frantic. Sam's possessed by an angel. 

His life literally couldn't get anymore hectic. Yet through all this, he had nightmares of fading blue eyes. He was so scared for Cas. He was human. Angels were pissed off at him; most likely hunting him.  
Dean knew how cruel the world could be. Knew how hard it was to scrape up cash, when his dad's money he had given Dean and Sam ran out. Yeah, Dean knew all the harsh realities of the world.

Every night he prayed for Cas, even if it was hopeless. Dean didn't have faith, but he would try anything he could to get Cas back. Maybe the person (he doesn't persay like calling him God) would hear. He put Cas back together how many times, right? Despite all the wrong he's committed in the name of good, he must mean something to him.

He definitely meant something to him.

He just wanted him to be safe. That's all. He wants him back. He's lost him more than once already, and he's not sure if he can survive losing him again. Despite all the loss he's had, if he lost Cas he wasn't sure he could go on.

This life was wearing on him. He was lying to Sammy, but keeping him safe was Dean's first priority. He was worried sick about the damn angel in him turning out to be a bad guy. He was worried about Cas. Plus he's starting to think there's a limit on how much killing he could tolerate.

Still. He was saving people. He couldn't be selfish here. The most he can do is help, even though saving the world over and over again will never amount enough to repay the debt he has. The deaths. The families he's sure he has destroyed...

He wanted to go back to during the apocalypse. He was a sick fuck for wanting it, but he's pretty sure he'd give everything up if he could go back to when Sam and him were fighting against all odds, and Castiel was with him.

God. He just wanted that back. His brother was safe, his angel was safe, and that's all that matters.

A knock on his door startled him.

"Dean? Kevin needs help doing research."

He bit back the tears that were (traitorously) about to fall. In a feeble attempt to not sound like he was upset, he cleared his throat.

"Uh, yeah, Sammy. Be out there in a minute."

Sam cocked an eyebrow, but nonetheless turned and walked out.

As he gathered himself and his thoughts, trying to get his normal countenance, he couldn't shake off the thoughts of wanting to pick up and hold his angel until everything is okay again..


End file.
